Teaching Your Autistic Child to Comment on Things, Not Just Request

Why Children Get Stuck in Request Mode

When we introduce AAC devices, we naturally start with requests because they work so well. Your child says 'want water' and immediately gets water - the cause and effect is crystal clear. This creates a powerful learning pattern where the device equals getting stuff.

But commenting is different. When your child says 'big dog' while looking at a dog, nothing tangible happens. There's no immediate reward like with requesting. Research on joint attention in autism shows that many of our children don't instinctively understand that sharing observations creates social connection.

Many autistic children also have differences in social motivation. While neurotypical children naturally want to share their thoughts to connect with others, your child might not yet understand why they would tell you about the 'loud car' unless it gets them something concrete.

Additionally, we often accidentally reinforce the requesting pattern. When your child uses the AAC device, we jump to help them get what they want. We rarely model commenting ourselves or show them that observations can be just as valuable as requests.

What Works in the Moment

1. Model commenting on everything you see together. 'I see red car', 'wow, big tree', 'look, funny cat'. Do this constantly without expecting your child to copy. You're showing them that the device isn't just for wanting things - it's for sharing what's in your mind.
2. Respond enthusiastically to any non-request communication. If your child says 'loud' when a motorcycle passes, respond with 'yes! Very loud motorcycle!' This shows them that comments get attention and connection, not just requests.
3. Add one comment word to every request. When they say 'want apple', you model 'want red apple' or 'want big apple'. This gradually expands their understanding of what the device can express.
4. Create 'looking games' with no requests allowed. Sit together looking out the window or at a book. Your only job is to comment on what you see using the AAC device. Make it playful - 'I see... blue sky!' then wait to see if they'll add something.
5. Use expectant waiting after you comment. Say 'I see big dog' then look at your child with raised eyebrows and wait 10 seconds. Often they'll add their own observation when given space and time.
6. Celebrate observations about feelings and sensations. When your child says 'hot' about their food or 'soft' about a blanket, treat it like gold. These internal awareness comments are huge developmental steps.
7. Make commenting part of preferred activities. If your child loves videos, pause frequently to comment together. 'Wow, fast car!' 'Look, funny monkey!' Link commenting to things they already enjoy.
8. Follow their gaze and comment on what interests them. Don't force them to comment on what you think is interesting. If they're staring at the ceiling fan, that's your cue to say 'look, spinning fan' or 'I see moving blades'.

Teaching It Ahead of Time

Social stories work because they give autistic children a script for unclear social situations. Commenting falls into this category - it's not obvious to many of our children that sharing observations is valuable or expected.

Create a simple story called 'I Can Share What I See' with photos of your child looking at things and using their AAC device to comment, not request. Include pictures of family members smiling when they hear the comments. Read this daily, especially before activities where you want to encourage commenting like walks or car rides.

What NOT to Do

• Don't ignore or redirect requests. Your child still needs to ask for things - requesting is crucial communication. Just don't let it be the only thing.
• Don't quiz them with 'what do you see?' This puts pressure on them and can make commenting feel like work instead of natural sharing.
• Don't expect immediate back-and-forth conversations. Start with single comments, not dialogue. Conversations will develop naturally as commenting becomes comfortable.
• Don't correct their observations. If they call a blue car 'red car', just add 'yes, blue car' without making them wrong. The goal is communication confidence, not accuracy.
• Don't only practice during 'communication time'. Commenting needs to happen throughout the day during real activities, not just during structured learning sessions.

Your Child Is Already Observing Everything

Your child notices far more than they can currently express. Those requests for specific toys or foods? They show sophisticated observation skills - they've noticed differences between brands, textures, colours. The commenting ability is already there, just waiting for the right support and lots of modelling to emerge. You're not behind - you're exactly where you need to be, building these skills one shared observation at a time.

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