Teaching your autistic child to take turns during games
You set up a board game hoping for family fun, but within minutes your child has grabbed all the pieces or walked away completely. The other kids are frustrated, you're exhausted from trying to explain "wait your turn" for the hundredth time, and that familiar knot forms in your stomach.
It's 11 pm and you're googling again, wondering why something that seems so simple to everyone else feels impossible for your child. You're not alone in this, and there are real reasons why turn-taking is genuinely hard for autistic children.
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Why taking turns is genuinely difficult for autistic children
Turn-taking isn't just about patience or manners. For autistic children, it requires multiple complex skills happening at once: understanding time concepts, managing sensory input, and processing social expectations while their brain is already working overtime.
Research shows that many autistic children struggle with interoception – sensing what's happening inside their bodies. This means they might not feel the physical cues that help neurotypical children know when they're getting impatient or overwhelmed. The urge to act feels urgent and immediate.
Executive functioning differences also play a huge role. Planning ahead, holding information in working memory ("I go after Didi finishes"), and switching between "active" and "waiting" modes requires significant mental energy. Add sensory processing challenges, and you have a child whose system is already maxed out before the game even begins.
For children using AAC devices, there's an additional layer. They need extra time to formulate thoughts, find the right symbols, and communicate – but games often move at a pace that doesn't accommodate this processing time.
What works in the moment
- Use visual turn markers – Place a special object (coloured stone, timer, or card) in front of whose turn it is. This makes the abstract concept concrete and gives your child something to focus on besides waiting. Program "now me" and "your turn" in their AAC device beforehand.
- Start with parallel play – Give each child their own set of materials first. Let them play alongside each other before introducing actual turn-taking. This reduces the anxiety of sharing while building comfort with the activity.
- Make waiting active – Instead of just sitting, give specific jobs during waiting time: "count to 10", "watch what happens", or "choose your next move". Program "wait", "watch", and "count" in their device so they can communicate about the process.
- Use shorter turns initially – Start with 30-second turns instead of full rounds. Set a gentle timer they can see. Success breeds success, and shorter waits feel more manageable.
- Narrate the process – Say out loud: "Arjun's turn now, then Priya, then your turn." This verbal roadmap helps their brain organise the sequence. Encourage use of "turn" and "go" on their AAC device.
- Have a comfort item nearby – Let them hold a fidget toy or favourite object while waiting. This isn't cheating; it's accommodation that helps their nervous system stay regulated.
- Choose games with natural pauses – Games like stacking blocks or drawing pictures have natural stopping points, unlike rapid-fire card games. This gives processing time and reduces pressure.
- Celebrate small wins immediately – The moment they wait even briefly or return a turn, acknowledge it specifically: "You waited! That helped the game work well." This builds positive associations with turn-taking.
Teaching it ahead of time
Social stories work because they help autistic children understand the "why" behind social rules and practice the sequence mentally before the actual situation. This pre-loading reduces anxiety and gives them a framework to reference during the actual activity.
Create a simple social story about taking turns that includes photos of your actual family members and the specific games you play. Include the AAC symbols for "turn," "wait," "now me," "watch," "count," and "go" in the story. Read it together regularly, not just before game time, so the concepts become familiar and less overwhelming.
What NOT to do
- Don't say "just wait" – This gives no information about how long or what to do while waiting, leaving their mind to race with uncertainty.
- Don't start with competitive games – Winning and losing add emotional intensity that makes learning turn-taking much harder.
- Don't ignore sensory needs – If they're covering their ears or looking overwhelmed, the environment is too stimulating for learning to happen.
- Don't make it about fairness – Lectures about "everyone gets a chance" miss the point that this is a skill-building exercise, not a moral lesson.
- Don't expect perfection immediately – Turn-taking develops gradually; pushing too hard too fast often leads to complete avoidance of group activities.
A gentle reminder
Your child isn't being difficult or selfish when they struggle with taking turns. Their brain is processing the world differently, and what looks like impatience is often overwhelm or confusion. Every small step towards turn-taking is genuine progress, even if it doesn't look like other children's development.
You're doing important work by seeking understanding and strategies. These skills take time to develop, and your patience and creativity in finding what works for your specific child makes all the difference. Trust the process, celebrate small victories, and remember that meaningful connection matters more than perfect game-playing.
Parents also ask
Should I force my autistic child to wait their turn even if they get upset?
No, forcing often backfires and creates negative associations with group activities. Instead, start with very short waits and gradually increase as they build tolerance and understanding.
How long does it take for autistic children to learn turn-taking?
It varies greatly, but expect months rather than weeks. Some children grasp the concept quickly but need ongoing support with the emotional regulation aspect. Progress isn't always linear.
What if my child uses their AAC device to demand turns constantly?
This actually shows great communication skills! Acknowledge their communication, then redirect: "I see you want a turn. First Didi, then you." Use visual supports to show the sequence clearly.
Can I modify games to make turn-taking easier for my autistic child?
Absolutely! Shorter turns, visual cues, removing time pressure, and choosing cooperative rather than competitive games all help. The goal is learning the skill, not following rigid game rules.
What if other children get impatient with my child's turn-taking difficulties?
Explain briefly that everyone learns differently and some people need more time or different supports. Focus on games and activities where success is more likely, and consider parallel play before group activities.
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